I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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