Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize