big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sober January is a disaster.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
