it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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