WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
