well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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