i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
