My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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