we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
