Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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