I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
