if you like me you must not know who I am
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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