we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
