remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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