Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
