I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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