UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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