You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize