dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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