just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
