look no pants
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
