You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
