who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
