Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
