Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
