please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
