Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
