I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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