we're chasing vodka with high fives
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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