i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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