he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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