You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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