Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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