I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
