Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
