On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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