she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
