fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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