The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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