I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
