Apparently you make a good broom.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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