My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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