You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize