You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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