omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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