Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
