After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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