Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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