I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
