I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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