i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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