I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
