Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
