I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
