i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
