so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
