I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
