Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
