apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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