She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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