Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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