hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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