help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
As shirtless as possible
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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