i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
