I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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