She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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