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i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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