her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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