nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
