I need help removing her.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
