Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
