I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
