I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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