toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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