I wish I only lived at night.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
