I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
