how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
