I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
