I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I forget how to act sober
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
