i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
