I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
