I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We just shotgunned beers for America
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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