just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
