She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
