I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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